


Siren Waits Thee

by Jeanshard



Series: Siren Waits Thee, Singing, Song for Song [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Abuse, F/M, M/M, Manipulation, Rape, Self Destructive Behaviour, Siren, Stalking, Underage - Freeform, Violence, alternating pov, modern magical au, mythical creatures, non con/ dub con, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeanshard/pseuds/Jeanshard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is a Siren. He is cold, manipulative, spiteful and heartless.</p><p>That's what they need to think, what he has to make them think, so they can be safe.</p><p>Where Merlin is still in love with Arthur and Arthur thinks he was in love with something that never was. Morgana doesn't understand what happened to the brother she'd had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello mon ami! I hope you guys will enjoy this story, it's sadly dark (as are my favourites of mine).
> 
> The plan is to make this whole thing a three part series, but this first one will most likely have the bulk of everything
> 
> I am oddly nervous

“Merlin, you know I wouldn’t come if it weren’t desperate, but I truly need your help on this.” Morgana argued, standing up from the red couch. 

“I’m aware Morgana, but it’s been three years of you not being desperate and I’m a little wrapped up in my own things now.” Merlin fought back, sounding amused.

“You fucked us all over and took off; you never even said you were sorry!” Morgana said back, looking angry and hurt. “You’re lucky I let you live these three years, after what you did to him!”

“I suffered a police arrest- which you bloody organised!- a sprained wrist and a black eye, Morgana.” Merlin replied, outraged but still looking mildly happy. Still amused, even. It was clear he was Morgana’s brother, from the all-knowing smirk to the raven hair. His eyes though, were not the settled blue of hers. “There are only so many years I can go pining after someone.”

“All of which you deserved!” Morgana screamed back, sounding petulant. She threw herself in the direction of the kitchen, and Gwen noticed the panic in Merlin’s eyes. He threw himself over what Gwen assumed to be the cutlery drawer. From Morgana’s roar it was a good decision. “You acted appallingly!”

“If you think I’m oh so ‘appalling’ then why do you even want me going near your friend?” He spat, viciously. Gwen could see he looked so hurt, and it went against everything she knew about him.

“He’s not just my friend!” Morgana was arguing. “You mattered so much to him!”

He was more beautiful and bewitching than Gwen could have prepared herself for. He was even more beautiful Morgana; he was a breathing oil painting. Alabaster skin, midnight hair and whirlpool eyes that had changed from pale green to dark blue and roaring silver in the few minutes they’d been there. There was no wonder Arthur became so enraptured with the Siren.

“You need to help him, Merlin, he’s going to make a huge mistake and regret it for the rest of his life here!” Morgana pleaded. “She’ll be the worst thing that ever happened to him!”

“Doesn’t that title belong to me?” Merlin purred.

“You don’t even care!” Morgana hissed. “You don’t care about him, after everything.”

“Of course I care. Should I buy them the china plates or the champagne glasses for the wedding reception?” In response to Merlin’s question, Morgana thumped him.

“You’re a weasel.” Morgana hissed. If anything, Merlin seemed to preen himself under the word as though it were praise. “Why don’t you want to help here?”

“I prefer abomination, sticking to the classics.” Merlin replied, looking bored. In her utter shame, Gwen couldn’t turn her eyes away from the cupid bow pout of his lips. 

“Merlin, I swear to God if you don’t speak to him-” She stopped abruptly, seeing Merlin hunch over a little and hiss.

“Don’t say that name.”

Gwen gulped. It was easy to forget, that under the glass shards of Merlin’s cheek bones hid a monster of sin. Siren. And she was perched in his lair, and everyone knew what happened to people stupid enough to stroll over with a Siren and she was sat on one’s couch drinking his apple juice.

Morgana didn’t move, for a moment, and Merlin stood up again.

“I need your help, here, Merlin.”

“You said it before, Morgana.” For a Siren, a creature of such abomination and sin, he sounded impossible caring. “It’ll be me being there that ruins him, and you.” That sounded more like what Gwen had expected, his tone was like a cat finding a mouse.

“Merlin.” Morgana whispered. “Please.” She dropped her hands, and looked to meet his eyes.

The stories Gwen had heard of a Siren’s beauty were true. She hoped he was not as dangerous as he was stunning, or the two would never escape. Not living, anyway. Fear shuddered through Gwen, and she once again cursed Morgana for convincing her that this was necessary.

But Arthur needed them, and Morgana insisted this was the best way.

Merlin, for all credit to him, looked a little pained and speechless.

“I…” He shook his head, and stepped from the cutlery drawer. Morgana eyed it, but looked away a little shame faced. “Why in the hell would I even help? I’d just push the idiot further.”

“He just, needs to know it’s wrong. He might listen to you.” Morgana said, looking panicked. “But Merlin, you can’t, you can’t sedu-”

“Seduce him?” Merlin said, void of all emotion. Cold, like a killer would be. Gwen immediately threw her eyes to the door. “Morgana, dear, how desperate do you think I’ve gotten?”

“You did before!” Morgana yipped. 

“As a child.”

Gwen could not stop the shiver through her body. She hoped Merlin had not killed in here, and not taken a person’s body in every sense and claimed their soul as Morgana said he could. Had. Even as a child, his Siren hunger something remarkable.

Morgana closed her eyes, as if struck by something devastating. After all she had told Gwen, it was a surprise she was hurt by her brother’s actions.

“Not that, Morgs.” He said back. Gentle, almost. Gwen hardly noticed, the blue material of his T-shirt had slipped up to show a slip of cream skin and sinews. “Go on then, sorry I terrified your friend.”

“You’re doing it?” Gwen surprised herself by whimpering. She heard Merlin grunt a ‘yes’ in reply.

He loped out of the room then, but left the door he went through ajar.

“How, do I get to tell you…” Morgana bit her lip. “What’s your phone number?”

“Don’t have one.” He replied. Gwen could tell he was getting undressed, and couldn’t help but desperately want to watch. He was so…

“Email?” Morgana said hopefully.

“Nope.” He stepped out of the room then, not wearing a shirt. Acres of unmarred, silky skin was pulled across his slender frame. Gwen had never seen anything so beautiful, so dangerous, and she couldn’t breathe right. He wasn’t even looking at her and she felt they were the only people in the world.

Sirens definitely were dangerous.

“How do you get in contact with people?” Morgana snapped, looking impatient and anxious. She’d probably noticed Gwen drooling. “Wait, don’t answer.”

“I’d say you could come back here but-”

“I’d rather die!”

“You might.” Iron clad voice, eyes silver, Merlin slipped back in to the room again. “Leave a number on the table. I’ll figure it out.” He called with all signs of earlier nastiness gone.

The house was cluttered, Gwen noticed, clearer minded at the Siren’s absence. Not messy, exactly, but clearly lived in. It smelt like wood smoke.

“Come on Gwen.” Morgana hissed, and the two of them left immediately. Gwen did not miss Morgana whisper ‘love you’ in to the wood of the door, but she knew Merlin would have.

They did not speak on the way to the car, nor on the way to their own flat in an opposite town.

Gwen did not miss the blush on Morgana’s face, and thought of how a Siren attracted the lustful eyes of each person it crossed with agonisingly few exceptions.

***

Morgana found it incredibly hard to find a place where she could pin her brother down and let him know the plan for the evening. Anywhere too public would lead to a disaster, anywhere too private could create a homicide.

Eventually, she gave in and took Gwen’s suggestion of a small coffee shop.

Merlin stumbled in, and he looked a little different than he had before. But even so, he looked phenomenal, and people round the room stopped to watch him sit.

“Calm down, Morgana.” He laughed. Around the small shop of seven people, people began to smile, desperate to join him too. “No one will know.”

Sirens were common knowledge, and from the way Merlin’s mere presence had bewitched the entire crowd it would not be a far guess to match his identity.

“You’ve always been shit at keeping secrets.” She bit out, but without any real heat.

“Done well on the years you’ve left me alone, haven’t I?” Before Morgana could argue, Merlin continued. “But you’re not here to help your own flesh and blood, so let’s get down to what actually matters.”

For a moment, Morgana looked surprised, but then she ploughed on in her usual fashion.

“We think the girl Arthur with is just with him for his money.”

“The horror.” Merlin drawled, sarcastic.

“Shut up.” Morgana said, sounding fond under the exasperation. “She’s a total gold digger, and we’re really worried that she’ll chew Arthur up and spit him out.”

“So send in the Siren? So he loses his life instead of some cash?”

“I’m assuming you won’t kill him.” Morgana decided. She sounded more confident, more like herself again. Gwen wasn’t sure why. “Not just some cash, anyway, he’s a billionaire. We think Vivian is a black widow, anyway, and that she’ll kill him to get the whole fortune. You see, the other day-”

“Don’t care about motivation.” Gwen noticed Merlin’s eyes were a growing black and not tinged with sweeping lines of red. He was growing hungry.

“Do you want me to take you to ours?” Gwen surprised herself from saying. She saw Merlin shake his head and pearly teeth gnarled his lips. “I could make you feel better-”

“Gwen!” Morgana shouted, and the café jumped. A few of them rolled closer. “Merlin, let’s do this quickly-”

“Please tell me you mean the plan, because I am not sleeping with you or your friend.”

“The plan! Get over yourself. Gwen’s a little tired.” Morgana rushed. “Look, all we want is for you to seduce Vivian, or get information out of her, then we’ll get Arthur to catch you, or tape it, or have you tell him. Can you do that?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? What do you mean ‘maybe’?”

“I’m oh so slightly worried how I’ll cope being cooped up with your friends.” Merlin said, simply. “They seem attractive, if Gwen is anything to go by.”

To her utter shame and weakness, Gwen gave Merlin a too keen smile.

“As if it even matters to you.” But Morgana sounded panicked. “Will you manage it or not? Am I putting my friends in danger here?”

Merlin looked like he was about to vomit, but he still managed to speak.

“If you get me suppressors they probably won’t notice.” He said, as though each word cut him open. He moved, and the way the light hit his face made Gwen see two silver scars etched along his face. She wondered why she hadn’t seen them before. “Or it won’t be too bad.”

“I’m not putting you on those bloody things. Not after last time.” Morgana snapped.

“It’s that or your friends are in danger.” He said simply. Morgana looked torn. “You made this decision before, Morgana. The only thing that’s changed is that I’m more dangerous now.”

“Do you have any friends who could do it-”

“You’re not stupid so don’t act like it.” Merlin sniped. “Get the suppressors, it’ll only be for a night, won’t it?”

“Yes, it’s at a gala.”

“Right.” Merlin nodded. “Well, here’s the number to get me, send me the details.” He passed over a slip of paper with his number written on it.

“How did you get a phone?”

“With money.” He muttered. His eyebrow arched as Morgana glared at it suspiciously. “It won’t bite.”

“How did you get the money?”

“National heist. Honestly Morgana who cares?” He snapped back. Morgana looked as though she was tempted to insist for more, but even Gwen could piece together Merlin had done something shady for this.

All this effort, it seemed to be for Morgana. But Gwen knew a lot about Sirens, enough to know they did not love and care for people. But that was all she got when she looked at Merlin, that and a lot of pain.

It did not match up with the news reports of Sirens.

“Fine.” Morgana typed the number in to Merlin’s phone, and did the same to her own mobile. “Do you have a suit?” She sounded like a mother asking a son get ready for a school dance. “I can help you get one.”

“Cheers, Morgs.” Merlin looked incredibly happy, fond, and Gwen had to look away because she felt she was intruding. “But I’m not going to wind you up more than I already have.” He stood up, and people around the café made to follow him. “I’ll see you, message me the address.”

He left (followed by a young girl and an old man) leaving the rest of the patrons looking dazed and lost.

“Jesus, Gwen.” Morgana said, eyes blue moons staring at her. “What the hell?”

“I couldn’t help it!” Gwen hurried to explain. “It’s like, this aura, damn he’s gorgeous, but I mean-”

“Not you, Gwen! I know you couldn’t help it!” Morgana placated, pressing a hand on her friends shoulder. “I’ve known him his whole life, people get like that around him, always have.” She shook her head, lost in thoughts for a second. “I just, I’m worried we’re being stupid here.”

“Does he mind being, having you ask him to do this?”

“God no, when we were younger he used to talk about wanting to be a super hero and use the power for good.” The girl laughed, smiling at the memory.

“Vivian is definitely dangerous, I know. Just, will Merlin do something?” Gwen asked, slowly, afraid Morgana would get angry at her.

“No, he’s taken care of himself.”

“We don’t know if he’s killed anyone though, Morgana.” Gwen stated. “And surely there’s another way to trap Vivian.”

“It’s a guarantee with Merlin. We need to keep Arthur safe, look what happened with Sophia! We just let her right on by, and look at how that ended!”

Arthur had ended up being arrested, framed for a murder that Sophia and her own father had committed as they tried to take his money. He’d been broken, devastated, until he met Vivian.

“Is there not a kinder way?” Mumbled Gwen.

“You know nothing else has worked.”

***

“Wow.” Leon said, as he helped Morgana step out of the car. “You two look gorgeous.”

“Very sweet Leon.” Morgana cooed, tapping his cheek with her palm.

“Why did we come here for a meal first, anyway?” He asked, eyes scanning through the parking lot. McDonalds certainly wasn’t Morgana’s usual scene.

“That would be because of me.” Merlin’s unmistakable voice rung out. Gwen turned round, and screamed when she saw the bird like wings protruding from Merlin’s back.

“What the fuck Merlin?” Hissed Morgana. “Why on earth would you pop up like a golden eagle?”

“You try getting on a fucking bus when everyone’s desperate to touch you. It’s awful.” Merlin reached his arm out, gesturing for the pills Morgana had bought. She thrust them in to his palm and he swallowed them dry. His throat looked incredible as he gulped.

“Why didn’t you walk?” His sister continued. Within a few moments, the dark wings on his back began to recede in to the blades of his shoulder.

“There are dangerous things out at this time!”

“And you’re one of them!” Morgana argued, incredulous. Gwen laughed behind her hand a little, and Merlin gave her a quick smile that could only be seen as friendly.

Then Leon hit him in the face.

“Leon!” Shouted Gwen, who immediately dropped down to help Merlin off the ground.

“He’s a bloody monster!” Leon was yelling. “Holy shit, he could kill us, damn he’s pretty, oh my god I hit the pretty, what if he killed us?” He was panicking, barely able to decide if he was angry or enraptured more. “Oh my god, he’s a monster.”

“The politically correct term is ‘Siren.’” Merlin muttered, as he raised a pale, shaking hand to his mouth. It came away with a streak of blood. “I could sue for this! You saw that, he hit me.”

From the look on Merlin’s face, he was not used to that kind of reaction. Gwen heard him curse the suppressors under his breath. She started helping him wipe the blood of his face, and noticed the spider web lines on his skin more prominently now.

“Why the fuck did you have wings?” Leon was screeching. “Why the fuck do I want to fuck you? I’m not even bloody gay, did he say Siren?”

“Calm down Leon!” Morgana clamped a hand over his mouth and made her eye bulge. “We told you there was a plan for tonight.” Leon made a grunting noise behind Morgana’s hand. “Yes it involves Merlin. He’s a Siren.” At Leon’s appalled muffled squeal, Morgana hushed him. “He’s also my brother.”

Morgana lifted her hand, probably trusting Leon to stay cool.

“Since when do you have a brother?”

“I think Morgana was five when I was born, but she likes to pretend she’s younger so who cares.”

“You’re a Siren! They’re dangerous!” Leon was walking back, fingers running through his pocket in search of keys. 

“And you hit me. Imagine how dangerous I am now.” Merlin began swiping the dregs of dirt off his suit. Even with a part of his Siren allure compressed under the pill, Gwen still wanted to snog him stupid. And she still thought herself pathetic for that reaction. 

“Why are you a Siren? Morgana are you a Siren? Gwen, please don’t say you’re a Siren too.” Leon’s breaths were painfully raspy and he had his hand on his chest. Gwen began to consider calling an ambulance. “Are you all in a Siren cult? Please don’t kill me. Merlin you are oh so pretty…”

“Bless.” The two siblings said at the same time.

“Well I promise not to kill you if you take us to the meeting now, Leon.” Morgana said as she guided, well shoved, Leon back in the direction of his car. “And Merlin won’t be able to kill you in a few minutes, because we gave him a suppressor.”

“I could probably give it a good go though.” Merlin nodded. He opened the door for the car, and Gwen was too surprised by the gesture to say thank you. It was becoming quite tiring being a silent moron around Merlin. He slotted himself in after. Leon was still too nervous to be driving. “Well you’re not much fun, are you?”

“You have wings?”

“And you’re slow.” Merlin tutted. “Please drive, I have places to be later tonight.”

Leon looked like he wanted to argue, then Merlin licked his lips and Leon shoved his hands to the wheel and began to drive at an almost inhuman speed.

“I thought the suppressor meant you couldn’t do that!” Gwen heard herself squealing, pitch matching the tyres.

“I didn’t get the strongest ones.” Morgana hissed.

“They would have left me in a coma.” Her brother responded, sarcastically aghast. “Anyway, why would I leave myself defenceless?”

“Human decency?” Morgana drawled, sarcastic.

“Not human, not decent.” Merlin listed. He gave Gwen a worried look. “Are you ok?” He mouthed.

“Yeah.” She murmured back, astonished. There was no way Merlin could be sweet enough to care, surely not.

All the news reports, and people Gwen knew, painted Sirens to be sex craved demons. Murders. And after how Merlin had hurt Arthur, there was no way he could be decent.

They pulled up, and everyone made their way out of the car.

Merlin let out a sharp whistle when he saw the building.

“Makes Morgana’s parties look like crap.”

“They do not!” She argued back. Gwen realized she had to help Leon stumble out the car. “Anyway, you never go to my parties.”

“I bet your parties don’t have *champagne fountains!*”

“You can’t even drink!” Morgana pouted. It was clear she was scanning round for Arthur and Vivian’s arrival.

“Yes but it is nice to have the option.” Her brother replied. He leaned against a wall, skin looking impossibly flawless against the black of his suit. Gwen wondered if the suppressors would be strong enough to stop the masses and the inevitable attraction to Merlin.

Sirens were exhausting.

“Gwen, go take Leon inside, get him a drink and… Shit! Arthur’s here.” Morgana began to flutter in to action, sorting Merlin’s suit jacket and tie and all things as he gave her a weary smile.

“All this effort and you really only want me to take it off…”

“Shut up.” His sister tutted.

“Morgana?” Arthur called, sounding surprised. He dragged a protesting Vivian along the tarmac with him, and Gwen could hear her shrill voice complaining at each step. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“Uh, having a cigarette.” Gwen lied, feeling flustered. She sent Leon bolstering off inside, but for some reason didn’t think to follow.

“None of you smoke.” Arthur said, sounding suspicious, and Gwen noticed his eyes got wider at each step, and his gaze zoned in on Merlin. “Merlin?”

Arthur paled, and his eyes blew wide.

“My brother!” Laughed Morgana. “I did say he was coming, didn’t I?”

“Why is your brother here?” Arthur looked surprisingly dazed as he spoke, and Vivian looked irritated and impatient. 

“I invited him.” Morgana replied.

Arthur had never looked so hurt, angry and confused to Gwen as he did then. He looked like he was about to throw up, or to hit Merlin, but Morgana latched on to him and dragged him away.

“Arthur!” Vivian pouted at being left behind. She eyed Gwen up and down in distaste, but her gaze locked on Merlin’s. “Hi there.” Her voice was an imitation of sultry.

“Hi.” Merlin pulled himself up from the wall, turned his head and looked at her. “Gwen-” Vivian whined at the missing attention for a moment “start recording, ta.” Gwen felt privileged at the fact there was definitely a choice, there.

“What are you doing?” Vivian lisped, pushing her chest out and twirling a piece of hair between her fingers.

Merlin’s eyes glimmered amber, and to Gwen he looked dangerous, but Vivian just smiled and licked her lips.

“Why are you with your fiancée?” Merlin’s voice was warm as sun beams.

“Which one?” Vivian giggled. Gwen almost dropped the camera at the admission.

“Arthur, but we’ll talk about the other ones later.” Merlin was preening. “Why are you with Arthur?”

“He’s very rich.” Vivian nodded, then looked as though she was considering. “Oh! And daddy wants half of his company, too. So I could get that in a divorce.” Vivian smiled at Merlin. “He’s pretty, but not nearly as pretty as you are.”

“They never are.” Merlin tutted, and Gwen watched as his eyes changed to a pale green. She felt calmer again, once more seeing the beauty in him if not the power. She was pleased she wasn’t as painfully attracted to him, before. She’d still kiss him, though.

Vivian looked like she wanted to.

“Merlin.” Gwen hissed, as Vivian slowly sauntered towards him. Gwen covered the sound recorder of the phone. “Get her to kiss, you.”

Merlin took in a sharp hiss. Gwen hoped the suppressors would work.

It suddenly struck her that sending a girl they weren’t very fond of in to the arms of a Siren was probably a bit of an overkill. But Morgana was positive Merlin could be trusted, despite his past, and Gwen knew as well as anyone Arthur would not be able to stand a divorce from Vivian.

She watched, pulse racing as Vivian curled herself at Merlin-

Who dodged her lips, and instead allowed her to nibble at his neck. Gwen had never seen a person look so bored in their life.

“What the fuck?” Gwen recognised Arthur’s scream, and panicked, dropping the phone on the floor. She scrambled around to latch it in her pocket. “What are you doing?”

Vivian shot back, as though electrocuted.

“Arthur!” She crowed, clopping towards him on her heels. “He just, came at me!”

Gwen almost laughed, and then she saw Merlin go even paler, until his skin was almost translucent. She realized the suppressant must be properly working now.

“What the hell?” Arthur growled. He began to launch himself at Merlin, who Gwen could guess missed his wings sorely. The one thing a Siren almost never did was force themselves on someone, at least in the literal sense. Some argued their entire existence was a drug, but Gwen wasn’t sure.

“Wait!” Morgana and Gwen yelled in unison, but neither of them could stop Arthur launching himself at Merlin, and tackling him to the ground. “Arthur, wait!”

“You bastard!” Arthur was yelling, slamming his fists in to Merlin. Merlin hunched over, jittering and painted blue and crimson already. “What the fuck were you doing to do to her?” Arthur knocked Merlin against the ground and spat at him. “I fucking hate you! You ruin every goddamn thing!”

“Stop.” Merlin said, and it sounded more like a warning than a plea. “Get off- ouch!” Gwen heard the cracking of a shattered tooth. Then Arthur howled in agony and Merlin shot up from him, trickle of blood that was not his own pressed on his chin.

“Jesus!” Arthur screamed, and Merlin doubled over, hissing like a demon.

Morgana had swooped in to help Merlin, Vivian was wobbling around hollering and Gwen knew she had to do something.

As Arthur began to stand up, she threw herself to tackle him (and mentally congratulated herself) then opened the video to play for him.

For some reason, Arthur managed to sit and watch the video. His face ran through the entire emotional spectrum and eventually looked so impossibly hurt and angry Gwen hated herself for the plan. But she knew it would hurt a million times more if she and Morgana had left it.

***

“I am not driving him to the hospital.” Arthur was growling. He wouldn’t even let Merlin, who was coated in blood and bruises, in the car.

“After everything I’ve done for you!” Merlin tutted. “Maybe I should have just left you to it.”

“To marrying my fiancée? Yes you should have!” Arthur bellowed. “Done for me, you always ruin my fucking life!”

“And when she took you for whatever little business you have? Or are we ignoring the fact Vivian was clearly a mistake?” Morgana hissed. “Merlin did you a favour, and seeing as you almost killed him you can drive him to a hospital!” She sounded a little hysterical.

“Hospital is not a good idea, Morgs.”

“Where the hell else do I put you?” She growled. “Shall we go chuck you in the ocean and hope a passing sailor goes for a swim?”

“If we lived in ancient Greece, yes.” Merlin snorted. “But it’ll heal up after that bloody magic tic tac you gave me wears off.”

Merlin stood up, legs shaking, and he looked bloody and bruised. Gwen knew she did not miss Arthur glower and flinch at the same time.

“What the hell are you talking about?” The blond snarled. “Are you on drugs again?”

“It’s not again if you didn’t stop.”

Gwen wondered if she should tell Arthur that Merlin had taken a suppressor to help him. That Merlin had done this for Morgana, and maybe even a little for Arthur himself.

But then Arthur gave Merlin a look that was nothing but hate, and slammed himself in to his car.

***

Gwen was surprised that Merlin and Morgana had begun spending time together. Especially after what had happened to split their friendship in the first place.

But when Gwen went to see Morgana at work the next day, Merlin was sprawled over a chair, twirling a cigarette in his fingers.

“Did Morgana tell you not to smoke in here?” Gwen asked, feeling herself lose her attention in the Siren’s presence. It wasn’t as strong as usual, though. More and more she saw those fine strips of broken skin on his cheeks.

“She did. Often and loudly.” Merlin twiddled the cigarette between his long, pale fingers. “But in honour of all ye mortals, I’m not lighting it.”

“Sirens aren’t immortal.”

“They are until they die.” He shot back.

Gwen decided she didn’t have time to shoot down his faulty logic, and instead shuffled off to find Morgana.

“Your brother is even stranger than you are.” Gwen stated, sweeping in to Morgana’s room.

“Isn’t it wonderful?”

“I thought Arthur might kill him last night.” Gwen laughed, but she sounded worried. “I feel awful we did that to him.”

“Arthur’s a big boy.” Morgana brushed the issue away. “They broke up years ago, they were still teenagers. Merlin was, anyway. It’s time Arthur got over it.”

“You’ve changed your tune. Before you were baying for Merlin’s blood.”

“He’s grown up.” Before Morgana had a chance to further elaborate, there was a knock at the door. Morgana smiled at the figure. “Ready for lunch, Merlin?”

He smiled and nodded in response.

***

Morgana perched on her seat across from her brother. She chattered, surprisingly happy to have Merlin sit and listen to her. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed his company.

She could regret her decision to leave him for a while, it was justified but rash. What Merlin had done was cruel, breaking Arthur’s heart and smashing it to dust. But he had been young, and he was a Siren, the experts said he couldn’t help himself.

Morgana had always been told her brother couldn’t form real loving emotions. It scared, how good an actor he became, and was, to convince her otherwise. But there was something so endearing and sweet in the way he acted like a total gentlemen, when he wanted to.

She shouldn’t let the Siren spell work on her. He had broken Arthur, after all.

“So, Merlin.” She smiled, attempting not to sound patronising. “How are things?” She could have sworn her brother paled, and then he gave a grin that frightened her.

“Same old same old.” He replied. He raised the straw of his drink to his lips, and Morgana felt the gazes of the patrons following his lips.

“You don’t need to be so secretive.” She scolded. “We’re both grownups, Merlin. I’m far more mature than you are, anyway.”

The look he gave her was like something you would give to a child in her mother’s makeup. It infuriated Morgana. Merlin had been like that since he was a teenager. He looked down on Morgana as she looked down on everyone else.

“So, how’s the love life?” He asked, cheekily.

“I am not talking about my sex life with you, Merlin!” He raised his hands up and shook them.

“I said love, not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter.” He snorted. Morgana didn’t comment that Merlin knew nothing of love and almost everything of sex. “Shit.” He swore, frowning across the restaurant and growling.

“What?” She asked, following his stare. It was clear Merlin was embarrassed, and he so rarely cowered it gave her an opportunity to gloat.

She saw Mordred. He was Arthur’s sworn enemy and continually went out of his way to sabotage and hurt Arthur as often as possible.

Morgana was touched and surprised that her brother would have such a hate against Mordred.

“So, we should go.” He began to ramble. “Now!” He was panicking, gathering Morgana’s bag and accidentally filling his arms with the glasses of the restaurant.

“It was ages ago you slept with him.” It had torn Arthur in two when he’d walked in. “There’s no need to be ashamed, we certainly aren’t leaving!” She argued, snapping Merlin’s hands away as he tried to pull her up.

Clearly they had made too big of a fuss, and Mordred spotted them. He gave a quick smile to the person he had come in with then walked over to them. His footsteps seemed to echo through the busy restaurant.

“Why hello.” He smiled. The grin was too full of teeth and didn’t meet his eyes. “Don’t you two look lovely tonight.” Morgana saw him run his tongue along his lips. She hoped he would ask her out, so she could crush him to dust.

“Why are you here?” Morgana said, with her signature smirk. “No puppies to sacrifice?”

“Not tonight, no.” He leered. “Where did your brother go?” Morgana looked over, but it was clear Merlin had scarpered. There may as well have been a little cloud outline left behind.

“You must have scared him off.” She wondered why that made him smile so much.

“Oh dear. And I was thinking of asking him back to my place.” Mordred sat down on the chair and leaned over. His eyes glinted threateningly. “The little tart’s quite the time in bed. Tell Arthur I’m grateful for the introduction, would you? He never seems to answer me.” Mordred gave a whistle like you would use for a dog.

Morgana was too panicked to try and defend Arthur.

“Oh, well.” Morgana was looking a little angry. “Only, Mordred, Merlin’s not really, well it didn’t go well last time? Did it?” She shook her head. “I don’t really think he’s to be trusted. He’s the same, really.” Because she was absolutely terrified that Mordred would make Merlin was he was before.

“I’m far better looking though.” Merlin sneered. He had risen from nowhere, stealthy as a shadow. She saw Mordred turn round, and call out ‘Merlin!’ in a confusing tone. “Mordred.” Merlin’s tone was void.

“Gorgeous as ever.” Mordred smiled back. “Now, Merlin, I believe you have a promise you never kept to me. Dinner?”

Merlin didn’t say a word, and Morgana noticed Mordred slumping a bit. Nervous.

“An offer I can’t say no to.” Merlin sounded like he was laughing, but looked as though he’d been thrown in ice water.

“Merlin!” She hissed. “You cannot be serious!”

“I’m always serious.” He said back, sounding tired.

She was absolutely furious. For Merlin to go back to Mordred again, after knowing how he hurt Arthur and Morgana the first time was horrendous. Morgana had been so *stupid* to believe that he was any different. He was still the same boy who stomped on hearts without realizing he’d done it. He was still thoughtless.

Still a Siren.

She grabbed her bag and stomped off, without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I don't know how to put in italics, to memories will probably be super confusing. I am so sorry, team.

Merlin was nothing but a mouse, and once again he had fallen in to a trap.

“Oh Merlin.” Mordred sneered. He aimed a kick along the line of Merlin’s legs across the ground. Merlin was crouched over, on his knees, as one would sit in a church. The irony was not lost on him. “How truly stupid you are.”

“And what a beautiful couple it makes us.” Merlin snarked. In retaliation, Mordred pressed his shoe on to Merlin’s back, pressing him down on to the floor. The line of grit and rock pressed in to Merlin’s hands and face.

“Always so blasé.” Merlin could feel Mordred smiling as he spoke.

“Always so dramatic- fuck!” Merlin’s insult was cut off by Mordred kicking his sprawled out form on the floor. His ribs hurt.

“You can stop your stupid little act, Merlin.” Mordred was hissing.

“Not a patch on yours.”

“No one in this world knows it better than I do. That you’re lying, you’re always lying. Trying to be so brave, trying to stop being such a fool. Working well, is it?” Before Merlin had a chance to say anything back, Mordred pressed his foot on the back of his neck. A warning. “Answer me.”

“Anything that brings me back here was clearly a good decision.” Merlin felt Mordred’s eyes glow before he recognised the –snap- sound of his wrist being broken. “Fuck! That might have been bloody genuine!”

“From you?” Mordred was laughing. “The day you start being genuine to me is the day Arthur Pendragon starts using his brain.” Merlin did his best not to react to Arthur’s name.

Or the memory of his face, warped in hurt and anger. Still something so brilliant and precious it hurt Merlin more than anything else ever could.

“Oh, Merlin, still smitten? Aren’t you just tragic?” Mordred emphasized the last word by pulling Merlin up by his snapped wrist. The agony of it sent splinters through his entire frame, but Merlin bayed himself not to react.

Although his body never did a single thing he wanted it to.

“You know, just today Arthur was asking me how easy it would be to hand over a Siren to the police. What are the chances you just happened to be around?” Mordred continued. As Merlin tended to be the cause of trouble, the odds were high. “Have you arrested? We all know what happens to tarts like you in prisons, don’t we?”

Merlin did, Mordred had made sure to teach him a long time ago.

“Knees again.” Merlin followed the order, feeling the pain along his wrist pump through his body.

“Do you think Arthur would laugh to see you curled up like this now?” Mordred asked. Arthur had not laughed before. He had not understood, he had not asked and he had not forgiven. “Think you’d deserve it? You do, you know you do.”

Merlin didn’t argue. He felt Mordred lace his hands along Merlin’s skin, each touch a scorch and a freeze. Merlin hated to be touched. But the usual hunger that would consume him was replaced by an agonising void by the hands of Mordred.

“Shirt off.” Mordred ordered, lazy. He stepped back, pulling out his phone. A camera flashed. “Now.”

Merlin gave Mordred a look that could wither spring. He cradled his broken wrist carefully. If Mordred weren’t here, wasn’t cancelling Merlin’s power, it would be closed to healed, at least numb. Instead, the pain shattered through his skin and made him think of hurricanes.

Even so, his other hand worked to worry the buttons off his shirt. The new one Morgana had got, that he’d pulled on today with jeans because it was the only thing that fit right. Because it meant Morgana cared enough to buy it.

The material fell from him in trickles. The more it dropped the more he felt the camera, recording, watching him. He did not feel the shame he had as a child; he had been near the edge of Mordred and his devices for far too long to care now.

Once the shirt fell, he caught sight of the unnatural crook in his wrist. Already purple and blued.

“That won’t do.” With a golden shimmer of Mordred’s eyes, the wrist creaked back to its usual position. The pain dulled, but still lingered to act as a reminder. “We do so want Arthur to know what good care I take of you.”

Arthur. The boy with golden hair and heart. The boy Merlin had melted down and left to rust.

Mordred let out a sharp whistle, to let Merlin know he needed to look back at the phone. Forced more by a bond made at childhood than anything else, Merlin looked up.

“Good boy.” Mordred cooed. “Crawl over here, on your knees.” Merlin did so, remembering the time Mordred had killed Morgana’s cat because Merlin forgot to visit him. “My zipper.” Before Merlin raised his hands, Mordred clucked: “With your teeth.”

Merlin closed his eyes off as he fell in to the routine perfected years ago. He forced himself to hold his teeth back, knowing that biting Mordred would not help in anyway. He took the length down and forced himself to swallow, gagging cut down after years of trial.

He did not allow himself to think of the times he did this with Arthur.

Although it felt like years had passed, eventually Mordred was finished. He pulled his cock out of Merlin’s mouth, and painted his pale face with white. Merlin did not shudder.

“So pretty like this.” Mordred laughed. “Who made you this pretty?” Merlin looked in to the camera, feeling the lines of white charring his skin worse than the scars he’d placed all that time ago.

***

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

The note was glued to Merlin’s bedroom door. He balled it up with shaking hands then threw it out the window. He still couldn’t shake the feeling of Mordred slinking in his room, floating round his house, drifting through the place that was meant to be Merlin’s.

***

Merlin had been under Mordred’s command for years. It had never felt as damning as it did now.

“Like a dog on a leash.” Mordred had laughed, tying the enchanted fabric around Merlin’s throat. A noose. “Come to my office at three today. Morgana won’t be in.” The tie began to shift around Merlin’s throat. “Tonight we’ll have a little chat about all the orders you’ve been ignoring helping your sister.”

Mordred had given Merlin a pat on the face, then a slap, then left.

Merlin didn’t even bother try running. Mordred would make him regret it, without a shadow of a doubt. At three ten, because Merlin still had some sort of spine, Merlin found himself hunched over in Mordred’s office.

He had not seen Mordred in a long time. He looked different, but Merlin would always recognise that feeling of dread and damnation along his skin that came with Mordred.

Merlin had been so sure he had managed to keep them all safe. That the sacrifices he had made mattered. But as usual, he had reeked devastation and left before the wind rose.

“Mordred?” Arthur, because it was so definitely Arthur, called as he swept in to the room. His face, which was a slow river in calmness, turned to a stone when he saw Merlin. “Why are you here?”

The tone of utter revulsion bore Merlin open more than the shattered wrist.

“Don’t tell me you’re messing Morgana round again.” Arthur was crowing. “First you come back to piss up my life and now you’re doing the same to her? How boring you’ve gotten.”

“You’d know.” The tone of the Siren, amused and bored at once. A swirling mix of complexities that seemed oh so easy to read to the world. It was all Merlin allowed himself to be, because it was all that would keep Arthur safe.

Arthur looked stung. Merlin remembered how Arthur used to be afraid he wasn’t interesting enough to keep Merlin. Merlin hated he still hurt him, still needed to. So badly, he wanted to stand up and tell Arthur he was never boring. He was a summer sun, autumn leaves, a whirlpool and never bad. Merlin wanted to stand up and repent with every part of him.

The tie around his neck pulsated. Merlin could do nothing.

Arthur turned to leave, and Merlin had never wanted anything in his life as badly as to follow him.

But Merlin was tied to Mordred through something he could not fight. He had to stay, to submit and crawl to keep Arthur safe.

“You know, Merlin.” Arthur turned round, slowly to look Merlin in the eye. Merlin could only think of the summer they spent perched by the beach laying kisses on each other’s skin. Merlin could only think of when Arthur’s eyes would well up with a hundred happiness’s and love for Merlin. Merlin though of the only time he had ever known someone actually loved and cared about him because they wanted to. Merlin pulled himself out of the memories to see Arthur speaking to him. “I don’t hate you.”

Hope, unhindered by reality or honesty, bloomed through his chest. It had been so many years since Merlin had been forced to break Arthur’s heart.

Arthur had acted like he hated Merlin. Like he wanted him dead and gone. Maybe, just maybe, he felt a fraction of what he had before.

“Because I don’t think you’re worthy of any of it.” Merlin’s heart fell like a stone and shattered like china. “I don’t think you’re worthy of the time spent thinking about you.” Then Arthur left.

Merlin knew the opposite of love was not hate. Hate was still something, something tangible and powerful. It was love in a cloak.

The opposite of love was indifference.

***

The note was carved in to the glass of Merlin’s window.

‘Your little friend better watch it.’

Merlin took himself to Arthur in seconds.

***

No one had known that Merlin had been regularly visited by Mordred. No one knew that Merlin could not help submit to him.

It did not make their glares any easier to handle.

Like Morgana, who was parked outside his flat, sat on the front of her car and scowling at her phone. She looked up, clearly alerted by Merlin’s presence, and her face turned in to a sneer.

Merlin was not born a Siren. Just because it was what everyone believed did not make it fact. He was not born with an ingrown desire and ability to be emotionless, callous, and distant. Only to act it.

“Surprised you’re not busy shagging the new toy.” She spat.

“He’s not new, as you know.” He said back. God, he was so tired of being looked and sneered at. It had not been all that long ago his elder sister had swanned off. Chosen Merlin’s boyfriend over Merlin himself, and never stopped to ask.

She did as Merlin did with himself, wrote him off under the guise of ‘Siren.’

“You’re vile.” She spat. Merlin hated that, that she got to look down on him. She was not perfect, she was not pure.

“You’re getting repetitive.”

“You’re the same.” She agonised, and it looked as though it really pained her to say that. “You’re just the same as you always were.” Her voice broke, and Merlin wanted nothing more in the world than to rap his arms around her. The tie on his neck restricted, a reminder he wasn’t to touch people. At his panicked breathing, Morgana looked up, and properly looked at him. “What happened to your lips?”

-‘Your lips are mine, Merlin. Every rotten part of you is mine.’- Mordred’s teeth were sharp.

“Night of passion.” He snipped back.

-‘Must you act like such a tart? I know you are one. But still.’- Merlin did not realize Mordred’s eyes were so dark.

“Why are you like this?” Morgana whispered.

-‘I don’t want my property acting out of line.’-

“Just, can you delete my number?” Morgana was shaking, letting herself in to her car. “I was right. Before. That you don’t really care. Arthur was right.”

-Mordred bit around Merlin’s mouth so hard he lost feeling in his lips. Could not form a nasty reply. So hard he had no choice but to swallow the blood that filled his mouth. Alighted with hunger at his own taste.-

“Don’t bother Arthur. He’s… with someone.” She was shaking, hands scrabbling for keys in her bag. “Bye Merlin.” She mumbled. So jittery Merlin didn’t want her to drive. But she did, until her car was a dot on a horizon, until she was miles away.

At least she was safe. From the razor edge Merlin had carved himself from. From Merlin himself.

He let himself in to his flat. He loved the coldness of it, feeling purer in the cool. He was anything but, he had doused himself of the sweat, seed and blood of enough people that his soul lay in tainted tatters, hanging from his ribcage and clinging to his heart. But he could still imagine the feeling.

“Merlin.” He heard Mordred state. The man appeared from thin air in front of him, and in spite of himself Merlin was still shocked. It had been years of being round Mordred and his magic, but each movement still surprised him.

“Fuck’s sake.” Merlin snarled. “Aren’t you meant to have bat wings?”

“I’ve been improving.” Mordred smiled. He walked himself to the couch and stretched his legs. His shoes were marking the couch.

“That’s up for argument.” Merlin said back, walking to the kitchen. The sadness he felt at being abandoned again cancelled the nervous feeling of Mordred lying there. Waiting, like a snake in the reeds.

“I hunter far faster now.” Mordred said, lowly. “I tested it last night.” Merlin shuddered. “And you’ll take the rest of it.”

It. A human, presumably. It. Corpse, rotten flesh. Food. It.

“I prefer my meat fresh.” Merlin snapped back. He did not eat a corpse, he fed of the blood and the body of a human in sex. He did not leave corpses unless something went wrong.

He wondered if Arthur knew that. He wondered if it mattered.

“I don’t care.” Mordred laughed. He didn’t even sit up, but Merlin felt pain rollick through his stomach. “If you’ve suddenly developed a twisted moral compass, or some sense of decency.” The pain travelled through waves in Merlin. Hunger began to swirl among it. “Because you’ll do what I say.”

***

Merlin was sat on the grass, alone. Morgana had run off somewhere, with her new friends and she’d told Merlin he had to ‘stay put or else!’ before running and going away.

It didn’t matter, though. He was sat in a place where he could look over the pond, with the sunlight beating down hard enough to make him squint. There was a man with a little ice cream trolly, and Merlin really wanted one. He felt for the change in his pockets, feeling the five different pound coins. Morgana had gotten five more, but they’d been given a pound for each year of life so it was only fair.

Merlin decided five pound was enough for ice cream. He stood up, about to take a step away before remembering that he wasn’t allowed to leave. Morgana shouting ‘or else’ swirled through his mind. His tummy rumbled but he sat down anyway.

He was watching the shimmering pond, the blue and green looked really beautiful and he wondered if there were any fishes in it. He liked water.

In his head, he started thinking of all the different things that lived in the sea. All the different fishes and plants, and how beautiful it must look underneath. He felt himself get a little hungrier, but a different kind. The bad kind.

“Ow!” He yelped, feeling something sharp slap him in the back of the head. He turned round, seeing a red disk stuck on the grass behind him. A Frisbee. A hand shot to the back of his neck, checking for any cuts, because the smell of blood was like a mating call to monsters.

His hand came away clean.

A boy with hair more golden than the sunshine came running at Merlin. He was so beautiful, but not the bad kind that Merlin was. The other boy’s beauty was all natural, all pure and lovely. Something about it made Merlin want to atone, to burn.

“Give me my Frisbee.” The boy didn’t say it rudely, but he didn’t look impressed either. Merlin was worried someone had tried to attack him, when it was thrown. Now he was just a bit confused over how handsome the boy looked. “Come on, please?”

Merlin wondered why the older boy couldn’t just lean down and get it, until he saw it clasped in his hands.

“Sorry.” He whispered, leaning to pass it over. He had to stay in the same spot. Merlin had noticed there were tears in his eyes until they spilled, once the boy took his thing back. Merlin quickly spun back, wanting to think of the water, and heard a groan.

“Are you crying ‘cause I’m taking my toy?”

“No.” Merlin said back, petulant. His neck felt like it had been sliced open.

The other boy, for some reason, sat down beside Merlin and sighed.

“You can’t have it, because it glows in the dark and you’re too young to go out at night so you wouldn’t use it.” The boy said, seriously. “And my dad only just got me it for my birthday.” He nudged himself closer to Merlin. “But you can come play with us.” He shoved his head back. “Over there.”

Merlin looked back. There was a large group of boys, and they all looked really confused at Arthur and Merlin. Merlin knew it was dangerous to be close to that many people. Especially as they all looked older than Morgana and were stronger than Merlin. Merlin shook his head.

“You should.” Arthur said. “It’ll be fun.”

“I’m not allowed to leave this spot.” Merlin whined. He looked at the ground, for some reason blushing when Arthur looked at him.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because why?” Arthur pushed.

“Because I can’t!” Merlin said back, feeling agitated. He was really, really hungry. His tummy sounded like a lion.

“What if you have to pee?” Arthur asked, looking shocked.

“I haven’t drunk anything.” Merlin said. He didn’t need to, really, not anymore. He looked up, the sky burning his eyes a bit. Mordred always told him he’d go blind if he kept doing it, and made him stop. Merlin liked defying the order.

“Aren’t you thirst?” Arthur asked. He sounded concerned. Merlin nodded, and added that he was hungry too. “Umm. Wait, here, just stay here again, ok?”

Before Merlin had time to tell Arthur he had to stay, the other boy raced off somewhere. Merlin felt weirdly lonely now, and he usually found it easier being alone.

Merlin watched as the clouds fell through the veil of the sky. They looked like scoops of ice cream, and he was really hungry. Not the dirty hunger he felt when Mordred was whispering to him, but the normal one that Mordred called ‘human’ in a voice like spit. Merlin liked feeling human, like he used to.

He didn’t understand why the feeling felt like it was being bled from him, day by day.

“Here!” Merlin looked up, seeing tanned fingers sticky with chocolate ice cream. “I got you this.” The blond from earlier pronounced. He sat down again, jostling Merlin and streaking his face in ice cream. “Sorry.”

Nervously, Merlin pulled the cone from his hand. The boy smiled.

“I’m Arthur!” He announced. He had a cone in his other hand. He began licking his fingers, and Merlin smiled to himself.

“Merlin.” He said quietly. But he could tell Arthur had heard, from the way he smiled.

“Cool name.” For a bit, the two of them sat in a happy silence, eating their ice creams in company. Arthur finished, and he even ate the cone. Merlin gave him his own wafer, which made Arthur laugh as he ate. “Will you play with us now?” He asked, whining.

“I can’t.” Merlin whimpered. “I’m not allowed to leave this bit.”

“What if we played over you?” Arthur pondered. “Do you want that?”

No, Merlin thought. No I don’t. Merlin didn’t like crowds, not really. They always ignored him, so he was alone in a mass of people. Lately, though, they would stare at him and make him want to shed his skin. Arthur didn’t do either of those things.

“Ok, we don’t have to.” Arthur said, like he’d read Merlin’s thoughts. “It’s alright.” He leaned forward then, he smelt like chocolate and his teeth were white. “I like you, Merlin. There’s something special about you.”

That was what Merlin always worried about.

“Don’t look so worried.” Arthur grinned. “It’s good special. Like… are you magic?” Merlin shook his head. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah.” Merlin said back. He was keeping really big secrets for Mordred, and really big secrets of his own. Merlin was good at secrets.

Before Arthur said anything, Merlin woke up from the memory. He hadn’t been asleep, not really, but dazed.

He shook himself, chasing away the second skin of summer sun and sky. He shivered, feeling the cold of the flat seep through his bones.

He wasn’t sure if it was a gift or a curse. To remember the day he had found Arthur. He remembered it with the same startling clarity to the day he lost him.

“Fuck.” He croaked. He held his tears back, this time. He didn’t have Arthur to stop them drowning him, now.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Mordred smirked, appearing from nowhere. Or the depths of hell. “Your eyes are glazed over, you look gormless.”

“Like master like siren.”

“You’re lucky I don’t care enough to punish you.” Mordred said back. He lay himself down on Merlin’s couch and clicked his tongue. “Come here.”

Because he had no choice, Merlin chose to follow.

“Clothes off.”

Merlin thinks of summer sun and warm waves, he does not think of the winter grasp of Mordred’s hands or the icy wind of his eyes.

***

It was definitely stalking at this stage, Merlin thought to himself. He was sat outside Arthur’s flat, perched on the ledge like a gargoyle. He looked in, every now and again, to see Arthur still preening for his date.

It hurt in the way only something good could. To see Arthur moving on.

Merlin leaned forward, gently. He watched as Arthur became furious in his frustration, pulling off the shirt he’d had on and balling it up before throwing it across the room. Arthur sat, then threw his head back. Merlin couldn’t hear the moan but he could feel it. He could see Arthur’s throat gulping and see his hands rub weary skin.

Arthur picked up his phone, and Merlin knew he was about to cancel his date.

So Merlin, being entirely sound of mind and body, knocked a wing against the window hard enough to break it. It wasn’t as if Arthur was short of cash to fix it.

He heard Arthur swear, and more importantly drop the phone. So as Arthur began to try and pick up the little shards of glass, Merlin crept through an open window (which was asking for trouble) and heard Arthur’s phone. He couldn’t cancel the date too close, Arthur was never rude.

Merlin snuck out of the flat again, rain beating down against his skin, beading up and falling of his black wings.

They were streaked with bits of gold, now. They had been the colour of a crown when he was with Arthur.

Merlin took off then, back to his crappy flat. He felt a sharp jab in his chest, at the thought of Arthur not being with him. But Merlin had known, really, since that first day on the grass, that he was never going to be right, to be good enough, for Arthur.

He was happy; at least, Arthur would find someone. He only wished it was not someone else.

***

“Merlin.” Arthur whispered. “Merlin, why are you outside my window?”

Arthur wasn’t angry, but he still opened the window too quickly and almost pushed Merlin out. He still dragged Merlin in too quickly so he fell with a thump on the bed.

Arthur’s room was large, full of red and fancy machines that Morgana always wanted. Even Merlin was a little awed at the sight of the large TV. Arthur’s bed was huge, an entire double, and the sheets had little gold shapes carved in them.

“Why are you here?” Arthur hissed. He was standing across from Merlin with his arms crossed and his eyes squinting. He looked angry.

“Sorry.” Merlin whimpered back. “I just. Uhm.”

Mordred threatened to kill you Mordred threatened to kill you Mordred threatened to kill you.

“Wondered where you were.” Merlin was falling over the words, he was so bloody happy to just see Arthur awake and alive he could barely focus.

He hadn’t meant to wake him, or be seen. But Arthur had a habit of being so different, and so impossible for Merlin to understand. Merlin never got things right with him.

“Why didn’t…” For a minute, Arthur looked angry, then confused. Then he just laughed. “So you went to my window?” He shook his head. “You’re weird.”

“Sorry.” Merlin stood up to go, to leave Arthur to his safe life and Merlin to return to his rotten one. They were matched to what they’d been given.

“Hey.” Arthur grabbed hold of Merlin’s arm, and then ran his fingers down to the wrist. He pulled them up and studied them. “You don’t need to go.”

“I don’t, I didn’t come to annoy you.”

“You always annoy me.” But Arthur was speaking softly. “You’re shaking a lot.” He sighed, then picked the duvet up and wrapped Merlin in it. “I’m fine, you know.”

“You said you saw a weird man. Then you stopped calling Morgana back.” Merlin argued.

“I can take care of myself.” Arthur boasted. Thirteen years old, bathed in sun in Merlin’s thoughts, Arthur had always seen himself ready to take on the world.

It was then, huddled under the blanket with Arthur and whispering stories, Merlin knew he would do whatever it took to keep him safe.

***

Being dragged to Mordred’s gala nights was like being dragged to a fresh hell. Where Merlin was only a demon in the literal sense, these humans painted themselves as callous. As clever and cruel and calculated, but none of them knew what it really meant.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He muttered, seeing Arthur stroll in with a girl on his arm. Mordred had pissed off somewhere, for a business deal or a shag- Merlin didn’t care. He’d demanded that Merlin should stay where he was before he’d flitted off. Merlin wondered if he’d orchestrated the whole ordeal.

Merlin almost wanted to rip the girl off Arthur’s arm. There was a different kind of want, of hunger, that surrounded him when he thought of Arthur. It was the kind of feeling that justified every goddamn rumour and belief of Sirens.

He wanted murder, blood, lust, flesh, infinity and Arthur.

He needed to get out of here.

“Merlin!” A voice, too loud for the dim hall, bellowed from somewhere in the distance. Fuck, Merlin thought. He did not need to be followed by Gwaine right now. “How have you been?”

Obviously the fates wouldn’t be kind to him.

Gwaine slid an arm along Merlin’s back, grinning at him and dragging him away. Merlin felt twinges along his body at the loss of sighting Arthur.

“Gwaine.” Merlin sighed.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” Gwaine snapped. Still kindly, as though he could see through Merlin like he was glass. Still gently, like he was made of it, too. “Merlin, I’ve heard stuff, but…”

“I’m fine.” Merlin whispered.

“You’re not.” Gwaine argued.

Gwaine was a creature like Mordred, without the cruelty and maliciousness. He was the closest thing Merlin had to a friend, because he didn’t slip in to Siren induced madness.

Merlin looked up, seeing worry on his old friend’s face. He hated it. Merlin never managed to make people feel the right thing, the right way. He wanted Gwaine not to worry, because there was nothing he could do.

He wanted Morgana to know he loved her. He wasn’t evil. She shouldn’t feel guilty.

He wanted… Arthur. To know about the wild rush of a hundred loves and pleasures that came when he thought of him. To know that Merlin would walk across glass shards, like he felt he’d done, to even have Arthur talk to him without hate and with something. He wanted, so much, to chase th1e old Merlin, the one Arthur could… did, love.

“Merlin?” Mordred smirked, appearing from nowhere. “Gwaine.” He sneered. “I think you’ll be taking off now.”

Gwaine was nervous, shaking, but trying not to act like it. Wanting to protect Merlin.

But Merlin knew just as well as anyone, you didn’t get to say no to Mordred. You didn’t get to defy and leave or stay. Because Merlin crumpled at almost every turn, himself. Mordred was supreme, king, ruler, over lord.

“Sorry.” Gwaine whispered, like the word charred him to ashes. Then he was gone.

***

“Merlin.” Arthur whispered, giggling under blankets. “Merlin! Wake up.”

“Shut up!” Merlin hissed back. But he was smiling underneath it. “You’re a prat.”

In response, Arthur knocked him with a pillow.

“Merlin.” Arthur said, sounding serious. “I did not invite you round for my twelfth birthday so you could go to sleep.”

“Arthur.” Merlin said back, equally serious. “I did not accept the invitation expecting to stay up for more than 30 hours.”

“No one sleeps at a sleepover!”

“No one demands you stay awake for two days in a row!” Merlin laughed.

Arthur pulled Merlin’s duvet up and rolled underneath. He shone the torch on Merlin’s face, so Merlin squeaked and closed his eyes. Slowly, he adjusted to the slap of gold and looked over.

Arthur’s eyes were blue, so wide and so friendly. His mouth was curled in a happy smirk over crooked teeth that Merlin loved with all his heart. Merlin wanted to lean over and kiss him, but he was always so nervous to instigate anything.

Merlin had been on suppressors for quite a long time. To try and subdue his nature and people’s reactions to him. He never planned to, and he didn’t need other people to be real and genuine to him.

But then he’d started being closer to Arthur. To touch him and kiss him. Merlin wanted Arthur to love Merlin for more than some stupid quirk of evolution. He wanted Arthur to love him. He hadn’t said about the pills, not yet, because Arthur would get mad and think Merlin didn’t trust him.

“I do.” Arthur decided, with authority. It took Merlin a few minutes to drag himself back to real time conversation. “I declare you can never waste any of my golden moments on sleep ever again. Whenever I’m having golden moments, you’re awake.”

Arthur didn’t ask why he needed to sleep now, and Merlin didn’t explain.

“That’s stupid.” Merlin decided, rolling over. “All your moments are golden moments. I’ll never get any sleep. Oh!”

Quickly, Merlin felt the gentle press of skin from Arthur’s lips against his own. Quickly, chaste and innocent. As all their touches were, simple and childlike. Beautiful.

“You’re being nice.” Arthur said, suspiciously. He was leaning over Merlin now, so their breaths were huffed against each other. “What’s on?” He stopped further down now, and all Merlin could see were his blue eyes streaming through the darkness.

“Well…” Merlin began to lead. He smiled as Arthur’s eyes grew wide. “It’s your birthday.”

“So?”

“You are getting old now.” Merlin said, trying to sound sad but failing. “Over the hill, needing dentures and robot arms and a cane-”

“You’re an idiot.” Arthur laughed.

“Clearly, you’re already losing your mind…”

“You look like an idiot!”

“And your eyes are going too!” Merlin gulped, fake horror in his tone. “Oh, Arthur, I’m afraid we’ll lose you all too soon.”

Instead of having Arthur hit him, which probably would have been deserved, Merlin felt Arthur laugh kisses along his face. Pressing gentle touches to his eyelids, cheekbones, lips.

***

Merlin limped out of the cloak room. He wound the suit jacket around himself, tighter. He did his best not to spill blood, it would be like flaunting a fish to sharks. Fucking Mordred. He’d taken off, happily, quickly, with a skip in his step. Like he hadn’t left a crumpled Merlin on the floor. Or maybe like he had.

‘Soul bond’ was something cruel and evil. Each siren, paired to a man of mage, with no command and no say. Mordred, evil, spiteful, torturous Mordred, was obviously Merlin’s ‘soul mate.’

Merlin laughed, a hollow, broken sound. He felt the blood and bile rising in his throat. He had to hunch over, ribs howling in the quiet agony.

“The fuck?” Merlin sprang up, set alight by Arthur’s voice. Who was lovely and kind and pure, and looking at Merlin in fury and concern? He ran over as Merlin dropped, and led him to a chair with more kindness that Merlin deserved. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing.” Merlin spat. He didn’t need the coolness of Arthur’s hands running over the rotten mass of Merlin’s body. He didn’t want to see the purity of Arthur’s eyes in contrast to his own. He couldn’t stand to see Arthur treat him with so much kindness. Not when it would be replaced with disdain later. “Nothing, that I didn’t deserve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, comments and Kudos mean more than I can say.
> 
> I always end up working on a demand basis, so the more (positive) attention a fic gets, the more time I spend on it. Not to manipulate you all, but I'm totally manipulating you all.
> 
> (Not at all Fic related)
> 
> Holy crap, do you know how addicted to catfish I am right now? Tragically so. The things been on replay for weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long guys! we all know how life gets :/
> 
> Hope its been worth the wait :)

Arthur’s pain has always been quiet. His grief has always been subtle, ripples in the water and never a tidal wave. His life was a repetition of this, of contorting his face to be anything other than he felt, of drying his tears before they had a chance to fall.

He’d learnt it ever since he was a child. Learnt to make his face a mask, learnt to become a performer. He remembered the day he’d started it, when he’d been crying and Uther saw him, and Uther had started crying too. It was that day that had learnt to press it down, to stop the feelings bubbling inside.

Except, of course, with things that involved Merlin. Merlin had always been a weak spot, pressure point, a waterfall for Arthur’s emotions.

Like now, leading to Arthur stood, breath sharp and painful as his hand bled, shattered scotch glass splattered on the floor beneath him.

Seeing Merlin had been so goddamn hard. Not because he looked at him and hated him, but because Arthur felt horribly guilty. Wrong, disjointed. He hadn’t even cared Vivian had cheated on him, he’d seen it before and he didn’t care. He just needed someone to show to his father. But seeing her with Merlin, wrapped around Merlin, his Merlin… That was too much.

He wouldn’t ever forgive either of them, himself or Merlin. He could never forgive the two of them for the mess they’d made of each other. For the scattered collection of broken pieces they’d made themselves.

He dragged himself up, leaving the broken shards behind to be dealt with some other time. His legs felt weak and his mid wouldn’t settle, and he dropped into his bed feeling like he was nothing. No one.

He wondered why it was Merlin that did this to him. Merlin, who had spent so many years making Arthur feel big, powerful, as though he could conquer anything, everything. He wondered if Merlin hated him, hated what Arthur had been and what he’d failed to do. 

***

(Flash back)

“You’re being weird lately.” Arthur pouted. It wasn’t what he really wanted to say. He’d wanted to touch Merlin’s cheek, and look in his eyes and ask him what was wrong, ask how Arthur could help. He wanted to let Merlin talk about whatever was eating him up. And not in the fragmented sentences that Merlin usually used to describe his problems. He wanted Merlin to properly talk about what was bruising him, contorting him.

But Arthur was afraid to ask, didn’t know how, didn’t think Merlin would let him. And he loved Merlin, he knew him. He’d been caught in Merlin’s stratosphere for more than nine years and he cared so much about him. But there was this little twist Merlin had, where he’d go quiet and pouty and cut throat. And he’d stray away from Arthur and ignore him.

“So, what’s up with you?” Arthur asked, and he tried to make himself calmly disinterested- tried to tease the answer out of Merlin.

“Late night.” Merlin grunted. His hand shot by the back of his neck. By fifteen he was already fucking flawless. Arthur usually found himself sat in awe of him, how Merlin seemed so worldly and wise in comparison to everyone around him.

Arthur wondered if wisdom was always stalked by darkness.

“Right.” Arthur did his best not to sound disappointed. He felt a little spiteful, and he was tempted to tug himself out of his time with Merlin and go somewhere else. But then he looked at Merlin, looked at the hunched arch of neck and skinny body.

Arthur would never leave Merlin.

***

(Modern Day)

Sometimes, Arthur swore he could see Merlin in places he obviously couldn’t be. He’d see Merlin in the library, on the tube, he’d see Merlin spilling into cafes or caught in the middle of a queue. Arthur wondered if it was a type of grieving. Like when a relative died, and you thought you saw them driving your bus or delivering a parcel.

It couldn’t be Merlin; Merlin didn’t leave his house anymore.

But sometimes, Arthur almost swore otherwise. Sometimes, he thought he could see Merlin in shadows. Arthur swore that Merlin would be near him; sometimes Arthur even thought he could feel Merlin on the fringes of his vision. Like a guardian angel.

Only, Merlin may have wings, but he would not waste his time protecting Arthur, and he was not an angel. 

***  
(Flashback)

Arthur made his way up the steep stairs, into their flat. He shook his wet hair out, possibly leaving splatter drops on the paint, but that was a problem for another day. 

Merlin always liked to keep the house tidy. He liked to spend time decorating and redecorating, and they moved a lot when Merlin found a new place he liked. He would spend ages setting up a nest and then fly away from it. Keeping in mind how house proud Merlin was, Arthur wouldn’t usually dare leave marks on the wall or wear his shoes up the stairs.

But Arthur had a surprise today. He was too excited to wait at the bottom of the stairs and take his jacket off and not thunder on the stairs. He wanted to run upstairs and sweep Merlin up in his arms and tell him the good news, let him see the tickets for the holiday to Greece (like Merlin had always wanted) and then the rest of Arthur’s plan could be put in action.

He was going to propose. In Greece. They were going to go to Greece and get engaged. Arthur hoped, at least. Arthur had spent ages planning the whole thing and it was all coming together for them now. He couldn’t wait.

“Merli- Merlin!” Arthur opened the door, the buzz of his mood blaring to a scream as soon as he saw Merlin. The windows of the flat were smashed in, curtains torn, furniture flipped and possessions destroyed. Merlin was in the eye of the storm, perched between the splintered coffee table and glass shards from the window. “Merlin!”

Arthur dropped down, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and rocked him. Merlin was shaking, struggling to breathe through the gulps and gasps caught in his throat. He barely moved at first, his hands were fluttering like he wanted to hug Arthur back, but someone was stopping him.

“We- we- we were ro. Someone must ha- ha- have” Merlin was trying to spit his words out, but nothing was working. Arthur rocked him, shushed him, tried to calm him down and wondered if Merlin had called the police or an ambulance yet. 

Eventually, Merlin calmed himself down enough to speak.

“We must have been robbed.” He whispered, like that was all he knew about it. Like he thought some strangers had invaded their home randomly.

Back then, Arthur never thought to disagree.

***

(Modern Day)

“Mr Amara, I didn’t realize you’d booked a meeting with me.” Arthur forced his voice into a preen. He didn’t feel it, he didn’t like it and he didn’t believe it. Mordred just smirked at him, lips peeling to one side of his face. “Perhaps if you have a word with Cedric-”

“- Your secretary wasn’t there, Arthur, so I just came in.” Mordred glided over to where Arthur’s desk and sat down in a chair in front of it, his flies slapping on to the desk as he did so. “And, well, I assumed you wouldn’t have anything remarkably important to do. You’re supposed to be off on your honeymoon, after all.”

The jab was probably meant to sting Arthur, but it didn’t. For one, he hadn’t booked the time of for a few months to come, yet. And, for the other, there was some sort of relief in the fact he no longer had to spend his life with a legal tie to Vivian.

“What exactly are you needing, Mordred?” Arthur worked to make his voice sound politely amicable, when he could almost feel his arms stretch for Mordred’s throat. Mordred lent back, spreading his knees a little, like he was relaxed and dominating in every setting he was in. Arthur kept his stance the same.

“Just wondering if you’d seen something I misplaced for a while.” Mordred smiled, head tilted to the side, leaning forward. He was like a cat, eager for prey, eager to hunt and to hurt and to kill. And he was looking at Arthur like he was a mouse.

But Arthur saw Mordred as just a man. A man Arthur may hate, a smug, sadistic man who may be Merlin’s boyfriend. Someone that was able to keep Merlin entertained better than Arthur did. Someone Merlin had been sleeping with when he said he loved Arthur. But that was all Arthur saw of Mordred, no monster and no one powerful.

“Go to lost and found, Mordred, and don’t waste my time with this.” Ever since Arthur and Merlin had broken up, Mordred was everywhere. Sometimes it felt like he was clinging to curtains, stalking round corners, perched in alleys that would allow him to appear from nowhere and spoil Arthur’s thoughts. He went from not existing to being a part of Arthur’s life every few hours, a constant reminder that Arthur hadn’t been enough for Merlin. A form of mental torture. And he’d suddenly appeared, in a key position, in the Pendragon company, where he’d apparently been all along.

But Arthur hadn’t noticed before.

“Only, I don’t think it’s the kind of thing that someone would find, and think it was important enough to keep.” Mordred looked victorious. “It’s not the sort of object that anyone would look for, at least that’s what people would assume. It’s been, broken, recently.”

Arthur sighed, looked up from his file and stared at Mordred.

“I’m sure there’s something you want to tell me, I’m sure this is going somewhere and not just wasting company time.” He snapped.

Mordred’s face seemed to crack a little, anger seeping through him in a flash that was barely noticeable. 

“Answers to the name of ‘Merlin.’ It ran away. He got himself hurt and he got himself lost, Arthur.” Mordred spat, and he pushed himself up. “And he took something I want back. And I know that little monster will make his way back to you, I know that little bitch has nowhere else to go. And when I find him, because I will find him, I’m going to make him regret every movement he’s ever made.” Mordred leaned himself on the desk and snarled. Mordred’s nails scraped the wood and it made Arthur cringe. “So, if you do see him, if he’s curled under your desk right now lapping at your crotch or mewling at your door like a dog in heat, tell him I’ll get him. I did it before and I’ll do it again.”

Then, Mordred slammed himself out of the room, leaving Arthur feeling the beginning of a tornado inside his stomach.

***

(Flash back)

Arthur wasn’t a very big fan of libraries. They were too quiet, too uncomfortable. They made him feel like he couldn’t breathe too loudly, they made him feel like he couldn’t run his hands along the spines of the books in case he made them dirty. At home he was meant to be well behaved, but the library always made him feel stifled.

However, Merlin really liked libraries. He liked the dusty smell of the books and the silence of the shelves. He liked to weave his way through the passages of the building or his book like they were the same thing. He liked to find a gloomy corner, park himself down beside Arthur and fall into a book.

And Arthur didn’t really mind if Merlin curled into him like a kitten, it made the silence far more endurable hen he could feel Merlin’s appropriately quiet breathing or feel the steady thudding of his heart beside his own.

But, today Merlin was sick. And it was too wet outside to play football and everyone knew Arthur’s usual Wednesday ritual with Merlin so he hadn’t made any other plans. His au pair wasn’t picking him up until half five, and she knew to pick him up at the library anyway. Arthur didn’t really have any other choice but to sit alone in the graveyard of books.

He went to the usual corridor that he and Merlin went to, with a big desk at the end of it and a bean bag chair that didn’t belong, and sat down. The library was like a relic of a different age, with books that almost felt like another language when you read them. There was nothing to do with football that didn’t involve a pig bladder and nothing that was colourful enough that would keep Arthur’s focus long enough to read, so he didn’t bother look. He dropped himself into the beanbag chair and let out a moan.

He’d be here ages.

Arthur moved about, groaning and sighing as he felt the seconds move like treacle. Then, his back caught on something rigid and he almost yelped. His hands scrabbled underneath the cushion, fingers getting coated in dust from the floor until he felt something strong against his fingers. 

He lifted it out, heavy, dirty paper moulding round his fingers. Arthur looked into his hands, read the script, and dropped the book.

It felt like a dirty word, carved into the brown cover of the book in gold. It felt like something… wrong, perverse, that such a beautiful cover was dedicated to such a subject.

‘Sirens.’

Arthur didn’t know a lot about them. They were hated, they were meant to be evil. They shouldn’t have ever been discussed, people said they should never have been born. Arthur’s father would want them eradicated. Arthur knew that this book wouldn’t be allowed. He knew why it was hidden.

His hand meandered down to stroke the cover. He couldn’t help but wonder why it was… hidden there. It hadn’t been before, he would have noticed. He was always flopping about on this seat, always moving it. So he didn’t know how it got here. It was possible, obviously, that someone else came back here, and would hide a book. A book like this would need to be kept discretely.

But it still felt like too much off a coincidence. After all, Arthur had been… wondering, lately. He’d been curious. Not vicious, he wasn’t looking for things to be wrong.

But he had been a little bit… curious aboyt Merlin. He wasn’t turning away from his friend. Arthur didn’t love Merlin any less, he wasn’t any less protective of him or kind to him. Arthur knew Merlin wasn’t nasty or spiteful or bad. He *loved* Merlin.

But it seemed so strange, that just as Arthur’s curiosity had started to eat at him, just as he’d really started wondering seriously, maybe there was something about Merlin…

And now the answer was right in front of him. Or at least, a way to find his answer.

At first, he didn’t want to open it. He wanted to throw the book away and never come back to the dusty corner tucked away from the rest of the world. He wanted to be angry at himself, of course Merlin wasn’t a Siren. Everyone said Sirens were evil, cruel, murderous- and Merlin was none of those things.

But Arthur *knew* there was something enchanting about Merlin, something that made him like magic. It was like… he was of a higher quality than everyone else. Like he was full colour and the rest was black and white. People just… followed Merlin. With their eyes, their thoughts, they trailed off from whatever they were doing just to look at him sometimes. It always made Arthur curious, protective. People at school sometimes did that to him, but it was never so intense. 

People became… different when Merlin was there. Like they were entranced.

Arthur couldn’t help himself, and he opened the book.

***

(Modern Day)

“Arthur!” Morgana shrieked, heels clacking as she tried to keep up with him. Arthur was working himself up to a sprint, though, and soon he’d leave her miles behind. “Arthur, wait!” 

“I can’t Morgana!” He spun round and yelled. They were outside the office now, it was getting dark and getting late and Arthur didn’t have enough *time* to be waiting around. He didn’t have time for Morgana to meddle in what he was doing, didn’t have time to be convinced to just leave it alone. He had to find Merlin. Had to make sure he was safe.

Always had to make sure Merlin was safe. Arthur had failed so, so many times before. He couldn’t let himself fail again. 

“You can’t just storm by my office and tell me Merlin’s in danger, and then just *leave!*” She shrieked, stomping her feet and jabbing her arms like a child in a strop. It would have made Arthur laugh if he wasn’t in such an agonising rush. “Please tell me what’s going on!”

Arthur shook his head, threw himself in to the car and began to drive off, but Morgana ripped the door off and flung himself in before he got away.

“Arthur. Tell me.”

He didn’t reply. He kept his eyes on the road, a bad driver at the best of times and lethal on the street now.

He didn’t think there was a way to tell her, couldn’t see a way to summarise instinct. He wasn’t sure how to quell Morgana’s worries or to sum up his concerns. There was no way he could make Morgana understand, there was a connection between Merlin and Arthur that was stronger than anything else. No one else could understand it.

Arthur didn’t.

He was too sick with nerves to try and justify himself, anyway.

***

(Flashback)

The book was heavy in Arthur’s back. 

As soon as he got home, he shoved it under his bed. His heart hammered, his hands were sweaty and he barked his sentences out whenever anyone spoke to him. He was terrified they’d see it, the dirty book under his bed, terrified they’d know he was dirty, too. But more than that, he was afraid they’d guess why he had it. Guess they’d know about Merlin.

Merlin would be in so much danger.

Arthur’s hands stroked the books spine, afraid to open it. But he’d been afraid too long. And he owed Merlin something, owed to try and understand his friend.

***

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter is Merlin's POV and very flashbacky. I hope it's not too confusing.
> 
> PS, I created a tumblr to keep you lovely people updated on fics
> 
> http://jeanshard.tumblr.com/


End file.
